Why Your University Disciplinary Office is Awful

Every campus with greek life has them, whether it be IFC or in my university’s case a different office entirely. They are the ones responsible for the “oversight and discipline” of greek organizations at your school. Given my recent experience as one of the pledge masters at the center of a hazing allegation my fraternity just faced, and being under investigation by them, I have some thoughts on the kinds of people that work in these kinds of positions.

First of all, your typical disciplinary office employee is the kind of person who would have never gotten a bid from any greek letter organization when they were in school, and it’s not because they weren’t pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, or any of the stereotypical reasons. It’s simply because even to this very day those kinds of people lack the base level of social intelligence and competence it requires to convince a group of 100+ other dudes or girls that they belong in their social club. They are the condescending, sniveling, pseudo-intellectual, unathletic, little dweebs who think they know something everybody else does not. I mean these are the kinds of people whose whole job is to limit the fun and good times of college kids, and they take out their frustrations and anger that stems from never having had that social intelligence we just spoke about on those who do possess that important life skill.

In my fraternity’s case, we got in trouble for making pledges do pushups. Last time I checked ROTC makes their new members do lots of those, the football team makes certain players do more physical exercise than others, are we going to punish the football team, are we going to sanction the freakin MILITARY? Ya I think not, so if you know somebody who works in one of these types of offices I want you to tell them this for me, mind your business, leave us alone, and I’m sorry you had such a bad experience in college that you feel the need to come back and ruin subsequent generation’s good times. These types of offices need to go, greek life has such deep roots on college campuses everywhere, and we aren’t going anywhere, or in the wise words of Mr. Jordan Belfort, I ain’t f*ckin leaving.