Matty Ice
Oh, to be young and in love. An unwavering romance that kindles the passion of your spirit, an inseparable bond that… just kidding, that sounds super fucking corny and I’m here to tell you about the correlation between the girl you’re fucking on the regular and her corresponding breed of dog.
Your Everyday Girl- Yellow Labrador
‘Ole reliable. You can’t go wrong with this girl. All of your friends like her, she never complains, she is the ideal companion.
Sorority Girls- Pomeranian
I have one of these (the dog). High maintenance, a bit of a space cadet, and really loud and gets on your goddamn nerves. You also have to pick up her shit that she leaves everywhere.
Gym Girls- Pitbull
Warning: may bite. I don’t care what your stance on pitbulls is, these girls are not pillow princesses. They will fuck up your shit and you have to warn people about her before they meet her.
Chakra Girls- Borzoi
Quiet, kinda funny looking. They have a unique vibe that is unparalleled. They are mischievous, but and their vibes are more unreadable than a book that was printed on a Gutenberg press 700 years ago.
Mystery Girl- Czechloslovakian Vlcak
No further comment.
Alt Girl- Japanese Chin
Alt girls are a different breed. They are like the combination of a sorority girl and a chakra girl. Spontaneous, but also a pain in the ass.
Wife Material Girl- Golden Retriever
The perfect girl. She is everything you’ve dreamed of. You can see yourself starting a family with this girl. She’s loyal, she blonde, she incredible. She is the mom-and-dad-approve dog.
