Matty Ice
We’re officially two rounds deep into March Madness, and thus far the NCAA has delivered a few upsets: the unheard of FDU taking down the the powerhouse that is Purdue, those goddamn nerds at Princeton conquering the likely hungover Arizona Wildcats, and the Furman Paladins (Dungeons and Dragons ahhh name) embarrassing the Cavaliers by a single point. Although the Second Round was a bit vanilla, the Sweet 16 never fails to throw some gas onto the flame. So what better way to enjoy Dr. James Naismith’s creation of hooping than with a cold beer or a warming shot? Add some more game to the game and let’s see if that fireball will upset your stomach with the OFFICIAL TOTAL FRAT MOVE (this was not approved by my boss) NOT-SO-SOBER SIXTEEN DRINKING GAME!
BONUS:
Two shots, ten minutes before tip-off if your school is still in the tournament.
Sober every weekend until the end of March Madness if your school was originally in the tournament but isn’t dancing anymore.
SOUTH:
-Drink once for every time Brandon Miller hits a three pointer.
-One shotgun for every TWO bench points from SDSU.
-Kill a case if Princeton wins.
-One shot each time Ryan Kalkbrenner dunks on those SAT Simps.
MIDWEST:
-Shots until failure if one of your friends is named Xavier. Also, replace your friend Xavier with a new friend whose name is so common (Mike, James, Steve, etc) that you address them by last name.
-Drink +4 shots if Xavier covers the spread.
-Finish the bottle if Xavier wins.
-I don’t like Xavier.
-I hope they fucking lose.
-1 shot for every time Isaiah Wong schlongs (scores a field goal) on Houston.
-The entire damn liquor store if Houston wins.
-Go ‘Canes.
EAST:
-Drink one shot for every SIX articles of striped/checkered clothing you count/see a Tennessee fan wearing.
-Ask your friends what FAU stands for. For every wrong answer or 5+ second hesitation, drink once.
-Cry and shit your pants if the Spartans score at all.
-Drink twice for every rebound Keyontae Johnson gets.
WILD CARD WEST (NOTHING TO DO WITH BASKETBALL):
-Find the friend who pregamed too much and ask them to write out on pen and paper the word “Connecticut.” If he spells it INCORRECTLY, you have to reach their level of intoxication.
-Now find a friend form the Northeast and ask them to pronounce the word “Arkansas.” If they say it CORRECTLY, go find the the friend who pregamed too much and a) reach their level of intoxication or b) double his level of intoxication if he misspelled Connecticut.
-Go onto Google, Instagram, Snapchat, etc, and locate a pair of breasts. Show your friends the aforementioned rack, but you have to say “yo, look at these GONZAGAS.” Drink one shot for every person that somehow laughed at that.
-A round of shots for EVERYONE every time UCLA by RL Grime plays. Two rounds if it’s remixed and/or bass boosted.
Stay tuned for the Elite Eight drinking game. Adjust the game as you feel necessary for pledges.
(But seriously, please drink responsibly and enjoy the games!)
