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Dear Women: Thongs

Let’s start with this: I am a huge fan of the thong. Any article of clothing that reveals that much skin is truly beautiful in my eyes. But, just as I told you last week about blowjobs, this is yet another thing I simply do not understand. Why in God’s name would you ever want to wear a thong? I won’t pretend to even come close to understanding the many complexities of female fashion, but I believe that the thong is worn at times when women want to avoid lines showing in their clothing or something? I guess I get that, but c’mon, wouldn’t it be better to just go commando?

Let’s examine the thong. It’s underwear, yes, but the biggest identifier of a thong is that it sends a thin piece of fabric right up the ass crack. I won’t even pretend like I haven’t wedgied my underwear into a thong look once in a while just to make my friends laugh, but I’ve never been able to walk around like that for more than a minute… okay maybe longer than a minute, but I promise it was just for the laughs! Still though, it’s probably one of the most uncomfortable feelings ever. I know for a fact that if faced with someone seeing my underwear lines or having something wedged between my cheeks, I’d go for the first one. So, please, why do you feel differently? Do you enjoy the way it feels? Is it just a sacrifice made for a better look? I don’t get it.

With all that being said, though, I feel like it’s important to emphasize that I’m only asking why you wear these – not asking you to stop. Dear Lord, I’d never want you to stop. Especially when the thong look turns into a bikini bottom. That is really just a great decision. Truly, men everywhere thank you for choosing that article of clothing. That’s all I have for today.

What do you think?

Written by VinegarStrokes

Above average intelligence, below average weiner.

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