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Types of Hangovers

Projectile

There is nothing worse than waking up after a night out and immediately having to throw up. Sometimes this is a one and done experience, but other times this is an all day affair. The projectile hangover can hit at any hour of the day. One minute you’re fine going to get food with your friends, then the next thing you know you’re spewing chunks out the window all over the side of your friends 2008 Nissan Maxima. It’s a lose lose type of hangover. You eat something, you throw it up. You can’t get yourself to eat, you end up throwing up bile. It’s the number one worst type of hangover and I would only wish this feeling on my enemies.

Slap Happy

Ideal hangover. You wake up and for some reason you’re still kinda buzzin’. Nothing even seems real with a slap happy hangover. Throughout the day you find yourself acting obnoxious and constantly laughing. The slap happy hangover typically evolves into day drinking to avoid being hungover at all. You’re usually the only one of your friends who is feeling this way, so more times than not you’ll have to keep the party going solo. Unless, your slap happy energy is so high, that it gets your friends in on it. If that’s the case, you’ll end up having a fantastic day that ends up feeling more like a mirage. Unfortunately, this feeling doesn’t last and by the end of the day you find yourself crashing. 

Bathroom Bound

The shits. I know girls told boys in middle school that “girls don’t poop” but they were lying through their teeth. Everyone experiences the hangover shits once and a while. The bathroom bound hangover is consistent with stinky farts and fatty dumps. 0/10 don’t recommend.

Pounding Headache

The pounding headache is simply annoying, because you can still function with this type of hangover but you will be miserable. But, unlike other hangovers this one CAN be fixed. Just pop some Ibuprofen and you’ll be able to push through that on-campus job shift.

Endless Eats

The hangover that must be fed. For whatever reason, we wake up with a barbaric hunger for food. This type of hangover alone justifies having an Uber Eats Pass subscription. You order every single item on the menu, no matter what the cost because you NEED it to fix you. Once it comes and you devour the entirety of it, immediate regret sinks in. Which is why people tend to start diets on Mondays. 

Boot and Rally

“Bite the dog that bit you.” A saying used by alcoholics which basically means; start drinking before the hangover even gets the chance to sink in. This is less of a hangover type and more of a hangover tactic. You can’t get hungover if you just keep drinking, or as Kendrick Lamar says “Wake up. Drank.”

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Written by Grace O'Malley

If Carrie Bradshaw drank a little bit too much and was originally from Boston...

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