At TFM, we love sharing the fucking ridiculousness and debauchery that our followers experience during their nights out. Unfortunately, not every crazy story can be communicated through a 20 second Instagram video. These are the stories that happen when you are too incapacitated, that is too crazy at the moment to whip your phone out, or legally require anonymity. We have been changing the format of these Craziest Stories blogs as more people are submitting them so thank you. Please enjoy…
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When I turned 22, my mom brought me on my very first trip to the strip club.
Yes, you read that right.
When I was a kid, we’d drive by this one club advertising famous stripper “Bridget the Midget” and finally after several years, some scorpion bowls, and a few joints we mustered up the balls to go. Not only did my mom buy me my first lap dance from a stripper who was twice my age, but she then proceeded to dance with Bridget on stage mid-show and tried to steal a fish from the strip club aquarium. If you’re ever looking for a fun birthday or Mother’s Day activity, I highly recommend it.
That’s the type of mom that lets you smoke weed “as long as you’re careful and keep it in the house”.
A bunch of friends and I were all in the strip club. There were like 20 of us. We had this one friend who was always nastier and did weird shit to girls. So I was looking at what he was doing and thought he was just figuring this girl’s asshole, but I went and sat closer. He was wrapping 20$ bills around his finger and shoving them up her ass. When I asked him wtf are you doing he was laughing and was like she’s gonna have to shit out all this money later.
20 dollars is 20 dollars.
Me and the boys were getting banged up in Thailand one summer. We passed the Russian club and made our way down a dark alley for a “special club.” We were expecting to see a simple ping pong show, but when we walked in the first thing we saw was a chick ripping a heater from her clam. The next thing was a canary taking a wet flight from a bajingo. What sent us over the top was a fucking cobra going inside and the coming out a vag. On the way out my boy got an up-close ping pong show, shooting balls onto his head. About the 4th one in, she’s pushing hard to get a softball to shoot out when her ass explodes a mud train on my boy’s white, new, fake, Jordan Bulls jersey. Talk about a shitty time. That was night 1.
What. The. Fuck. Russia…
So basically I’m 28 and have never been to a strip club So I took a few dollars in a nice place, chilled at the bar, and no girl’s talked to me. When suddenly out of nowhere This woman comes up to me with a full sleeve tattoo and begins to talk to me and keep talking to me as soon as I realize I’m in the VIP room. She said the manager was her ex and she wanted to make him jealous. Let’s just say I got more than a lap dance that night. She even invited her friend who was a stripper. After 30 minutes of sweating And really thirsty, I grabbed a drink and soon realized the manager was coming my way and he looked at me all upset and said you’re lucky. Because she wouldn’t take my virginity Next thing you know I got thrown out but it was the best way to go.. Smile on my face and waffle house at 2:00 a.m.
That is 100% a 2 am Waffle House kind of night
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