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Stories Of The Week

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Submit your own crazy story here:

At TFM, we love sharing the fucking ridiculousness and debauchery that our followers experience during their nights out. Unfortunately, not every crazy story can be communicated through a 20 second Instagram video. These are the stories that happen when you are too incapacitated, that is too crazy at the moment to whip your phone out, or legally require anonymity. We have been changing the format of these Craziest Stories blogs as more people are submitting them so thank you. Here is a short blog submitted that accurately holds a magnifying glass up to the world of post-grad life. Please enjoy…

Lexi:

I’ve been out of college for almost exactly a year now and boy oh boy is this shit weird. In your head, you have some sort of vision of what your life is going to be like post-grad and that you will be this new reinvented person. You’ll move into a lofty city apartment and actually have nice furniture and wall art rather than tapestries and couches you found on the side of the road. Maybe you’ll start waking up at 6 A.M. to go to the gym and come home and make well-balanced meals instead of ordering takeout 4x a week. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll even learn how to casually drink as opposed to taking it too far each time and blacking out. 

Wrong. 

Instead, you’re just the same ol’ shithead running off coffee and cartridges who wakes up with worse hangovers, rotting vegetables in the fridge, and more responsibilities that come with selling your soul to the rat race. Speaking of corporate America, this shit sucks. I finally understand why they always portrayed the cubicles in cartoons as gray prisons essentially. I am way too hot and way too creative to be sitting in an office under fluorescent lights 8 hours a day. They make my hair look frizzy and the rest of me look crusty. Is this what I have to look forward to in the next 40 years? Looking crustier as time goes on 5 days a week, 8 hours a day? Say it ain’t so. I’m only a year deep and I already have PTSD each time I hear the dreaded Outlook chime meaning I have to respond back to a pointless email using too many exclamation points to come across as friendly. 

I reminisce on the days where I could look at TFM’s feed and relate to it. Simpler times. Snapchat memories, too. Now I open my social media feeds and either feel old like I need to be engaged or like I should go to grad school. It also doesn’t help my feeling of escaping youth that you are ancient the second you turn 23 apparently in the world of TikTok. Also, is this the age where I consider starting a podcast? Shit. I will do anything at this point to leave corporate America indefinitely. Maybe my degree in journalism will come to good use and convince TFM to offer me a job so I never have to sell insurance again! Let’s hope so.  Anyway, post-grad life isn’t too bad. You are a full-ass adult now, so that’s kinda cool in some ways. It’s like playing the Game of Life, except you can’t start over in this version, so choose your path wisely.

You have truly captured the essence of post-grad life. I find that the drinking I do out of college is way more cathartic and pointless than being in college.

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