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Shootout Next To The Strip Club

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At TFM, we love sharing the fucking ridiculousness and debauchery that our followers experience during their nights out. Unfortunately, not every crazy story can be communicated through a 20 second Instagram video. These are the stories that happen when you are too incapacitated, that is too crazy at the moment to whip your phone out, or legally require anonymity. We have been changing the format of these Craziest Stories blogs as more people are submitting them so thank you. Here are some blackout stories. Please enjoy…

Blake-

Reno 2014 I think. Was young, 21, and bulletproof. We were at the casinos gambling and drinking as much free booze as we could get our hands-on. Had a few different groups go to the strip clubs the first night and told of good times so we decided we needed to make our way there. At around midnight we called a taxi and about 8 of us guys and gals jumped in and told the driver to take us to the nearest strip joint. I should say that the first red flag of this event was the cab driver asking us how we were getting home. I told him we would call a cab or walk, hell it ain’t that far. He stopped us and said no do not walk through this neighborhood at night, we were just small-town dip shits, so what did we know? I and a couple of big guys were wearing cowboy hats and really stood out in the place. By this point, I no longer see anyone else that we came with. So me and another guy grab drinks and find a chair. Like the good hostesses the girls are, they came right over and sat down in our laps. Now wearing a cowboy hat makes it hard to rub your face on their chest so the nice young lady takes it off me and wears it herself. Which did make her a lot more sexy to us. 

Now, this is where shit starts to get fuzzy for me. To me, it felt like maybe 20 minutes had gone by. My buddy said it was like an hour or so and he was ready to leave. He said he tried to get me up to leave but I said I was staying with the girl. Well, he left my ass there. At that point, I was in full black out mode till about closing at 2 I assume. Well, I come out of said black out being thrown down the hallway by two very large angry bouncers, calling me a sick bastard and to get out. To this day I have no idea why I was thrown out. Better yet I walked my happy ass all the way back to the casino and didn’t get mugged, and by morning I realized the fucking stripper still had my cowboy hat. Which was a few hundred dollars, and I never got it back. I licked my wounds and left that dirty city. I did hear that she kept using it in her act. Fucking Reno!

This sounds like an episode of Reno 911

Patrick-

Me and 2 buddies took a limo from downtown Charleston to a strip club that was about a 20-minute drive. Our limo driver, Keith, was a real G. After getting dropped off, we spent a couple of hours in the strip club and walked out with no more money in our pockets, as it should be. We called Keith and said we’re ready to be picked up to go back downtown. As we were waiting for him, an argument started between a group of people. 5 vs 1. The 1 was a guy selling hotdogs outside the strip club. It starts to get more heated and out of nowhere someone pulls out a gun and starts shooting at the hot dog man. This all takes place within 20 ft of us. We dive behind some cars… run back into the strip club and get on the phone with Keith. “There are gunshots going off outside the strip club Keith. Get here ASAP.” We’re just inside the strip club waiting for him as everyone is yelling and screaming. The bouncer said someone got their head blown off. Keith whips it into the parking lot and we run as fast as we could, hopped in, and he floored it out of there. As we were leaving 7 cop cars in a line rolled into the parking lot.

How has no one ever thought to sell hot dogs outside a strip club? That just seems right to me…

Anonymous-

After a wild night with more crown royal than you could imagine and a paycheck burning a hole in me and the boy’s pockets, we hit a place locally known as “the Riv”. This fine establishment is located in a sketchy Philadelphia suburb and is attached to the seediest motel imaginable. Upon entry and paying our $10 cover, we meet a lady of the night named sunny. After having some casual beers as well as a quick trip to the aspen(crispy slopes), I decided to make my way to the back room for what I expected to be a casual lap dance. Within minutes, my member was forcibly removed from my khakis and the words “are you a cop” graced my ear. After responding no things got serious. After a not so glorious 10 minutes, I left the back room with a face pale as a ghost. One thing led to another, fast forward 9 months, and the same “dancer” had a baby. The one-way ticket to Mexico has been booked.

That is the strip club version of a ‘hit and run’

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