Some NFL quarterbacks have coasted by life on their athletic ability, and have never had to develop any sort of a personality. Others have accidentally become the coolest people on the planet. Today, the ability to throw a football can’t save them, and they will be judged by whether or not you’d want to get drunk with them on a routine basis. Welcome to bid or no bid.
Aaron Rodgers: No Bid
Most frats already have a drug guy, and he offers nothing else.
Patrick Mahomes: Bid
Unfortunately he tricked us on this one. He was a great guy, and a welcome addition to the group. He’s been insufferable since him and his girlfriend started dating, though.
Josh Allen: Bid
This guy’s free time is hooking up with Hailee Steinfeld, and crushing movies. He’s also from Wyoming, which gives him a sneakily insane alcohol tolerance.
Joe Burrow: Bid
This is closer than people realize. He is undeniably cool. His tendency to say nothing unless he’s asked a question makes me wary of him.
Jalen Hurts: No Bid
I love the guy, but he would be too much of a nerd. If he could take his head out of the books, and drink a beer instead, it’d be an easy bid.
Gardner Minshew: Bid
He’s actually the Pledge Educator, despite only being a Sophomore.
Anthony Richardson: Bid
This is so easy. I think Anthony Richardson could get me to share a pleasant Uber ride with my biggest enemy, because he is that much of a glue guy.
Bryce Young: No Bid
I don’t like his vibe. Not happening.
Dak Prescott: No Bid
Him doing that hip warmup as a dance would clear out every girl in a two mile radius.
Kirk Cousins: Bid
So easy. Kirk is the man. Watch Quarterback if you disagree.
Justin Herbert: Bid
He’s stoned all the time, and no one can convince me he’s not.
Tua Tagovailoa: Bid
Tua is the best player in the NFL. Expect us. Bid.
Trevor Lawrence: No Bid
That hair would give the whole frat a reputation. Also, I imagine that he surprisingly states, “Ooh. Bubbly,” after every sip of beer.
Jared Goff: Bid
The guy seems like he washes out his toothpaste in the morning with a Miller Light. Also, have you seen his girlfriend.
Justin Fields: No Bid
He’s really fast, and loves to blame his teammates for stuff. I don’t know what the fast part has to do with anything, but he’s not getting in.
Brock Purdy: Bid
He feels like the kid who was five foot five throughout high school. He needs you to like him, and you do, because he feels like your little brother.
Deshaun Watson: No Bid
Sexual assault or not, I get the vibe that Deshaun Watson is the type of person to show you all four of his fantasy lineups.
Daniel Jones: No Bid
After all that was said about him and his contract, he said nothing, and got blown out by 40. I want more fight from my pledges.
Matt Stafford: Bid
Stafford is as cool as people think Joe Burrow is.
Russell Wilson: No Bid
Hahaha. Better luck next year.
