Everyone knows the three best places to meet women are bars, the internet, and supermarkets. The first two get a lot more love, and I don’t really understand why. Supermarkets offer more variety, friendliness, and lobster bisque. Here are the five best grocery store aisles to pick up chicks.
The produce aisle at your local Acme has a wider selection of women than any bar in your area. I promise you. The produce section is great for so many reasons. The women shopping there are healthy, as they’re eating fruit. It will also look like you care about your body enough to purchase a prepackaged salad. In addition to this, there are many produce related opening lines to use to begin your romantic connection. This can be done easily by approaching a woman purchasing cantaloupes and saying, “Nice looking melons you got there.” If you want to take a safer option, just ask a question about onions or something.
The Refrigerated Aisle
What I like to do is wait in the refrigerated aisle and appear like I’m occupied. Look at the butter or something, then when a woman walks by, offer her your coat. She will be instantly impressed by this level of chivalry. Once you’ve showed her your value, you can begin with every other cliché a girl would be on red alert for at a bar. Ask her if she comes here often. Maybe even offer to buy her a yogurt. If you can’t secure a phone number after this, you are pretty much allergic to vagina.
The Baking Aisle
There are guys who like fishing, and there are professional fisherman. Guys who like fishing don’t even attempt to catch a sixty-pound trout. They know it’s above their abilities. The women you find in the baking aisle are the sixty-pound trout of the grocery store. Their presence in the baking aisle likely means that they are going to bake something, which instantly adds two points to how attractive they are on a scale of one to ten. These women are at the top of the dating pool, so you can’t impress them with a bullshit line. The best thing about them is they laugh like the Pillsbury dough boy when they are attracted to you, which makes it easy to tell when they’re interested in you.
Opposite of the produce section, the people here are treating themselves. This is important to remember, because you must convince the people here that you are better than any bagel, donut, or cookie in this area. This is a lie, as three minutes in bed with you will surely be less satisfying than even a bite of a toasted everything bagel. They don’t know this though. So take advantage of this situation. Maybe approach a mother of two reaching for a brownie and say, “You’ve earned this. Let yourself have some fun.” After this, wink, then walk away flexing every muscle in your body. If done right, this woman will track you down and ask for your phone number by the time you’ve made it to the register.
This one is somewhat of a maneuver, but it also comes with a surefire plan. Track the woman’s bathroom for a while to make sure no one is inside. Swiftly enter and grab all of the toilet paper from each of the toilets. Sit in the stall and wait for someone to come in sit down. When they do, offer them some toilet paper from your stall. When they accept, hand them a few squares, and leave your phone number on one of them. This will demonstrate several things about you to this woman. You are helpful. You are sexually available. And you aren’t afraid to poop in a public woman’s room like a lot of cowardly men are. As long as you don’t stink up the bathroom before doing this move, it’s guaranteed to work.