Four Drinks That Don’t Taste Like Alcohol

Yes, the title is true; we legally cannot lie to you. We are partnered with DraftKings to bring you this incredible new user offer that ends very soon!

Claim this offer using DraftKings:

  1. Sign up for DraftKings by clicking here
  2. Deposit $5 or more into your account
  3. Finally, place a $5 moneyline bet & get $150 in bonus bets ! (New users only)
Note* Want to bet on another game/sport? No problem – you’ll still get your $150 in bonus bets!*

As the man-child I am, drinking is a difficult crossroad for me. On one hand, I like to suppress my ever-lasting demons with a nice blackout buzz. Yet on the other hand, I’m not the biggest fan of the way alcohol tastes. I know most of you reading this are gonna say stuff like “not frat” and “tequila tastes good, bitch,” but I’m just telling you the truth. Sure, I can down 10 shots if need be, but over the course of my college career I figured out that drinking is way more enjoyable if you actually like the taste. So, here are four types of alcohol for those of you that don’t like the taste of “holy shit it burns!”

Twisted Tea

First and foremost, Twea is frat. Iced tea may be made for middle-aged women, but once you add alcohol and put it in a can, the main demographic immediately turns to 20-year-olds that like to shotgun and play dye. That’s the beauty of Twea. Everything you could do with a beer, you can do with Twea. Except you can actually drink twice as many since it won’t bloat you like Mrs. Puff after 12 of them.


I couldn’t even begin to tell you what is inside of a Monaco. It’s probably a mix of gasoline, vodka, and melted down Sweetarts, but who cares because it tastes like fruit punch. The best part is that each can contains two shots worth of alcohol, so drink like three of these and you’ll have an electric night (the gasoline packs a punch).


If you’re looking for something with a bit of a higher alcohol percentage, Malibu is the perfect option. At 21% ABV, Malibu is technically considered hard liquor. Don’t let that scare you though because I swear it just tastes like a piña colada. If you’re legitimately afraid of the taste of alcohol, go ahead and mix this with some pineapple juice. That said, even I drink this straight out the bottle.

Peppermint Schnapps

Yes, I saved the best for last. Peppermint schnapps tastes like a York peppermint patty. Sitting at a very respectable 30% ABV (depending on brand, some are higher some lower), schnapps could be used as a full-on replacement for vodka or tequila. Maybe don’t use it in a margarita or mojito, but mix it in hot cocoa or choccy milk and you have yourself one of the greatest adult beverages of all time. You’re welcome.

21+. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. T&Cs apply.

Back to Top