Alex Becker
People like to think they’re all different and special, but that’s just not the case. At the end of the day we’re all human and some things we do are just purely innate to our species. Here are three blackout experiences that all of us have gone through at some point.
Sending a regrettable text
Obviously most people think of the infamous 3am “u up?” text when they hear the word regret, but truth be told a lot of us have sent way worse stuff. Sure, most of the time drunk texts revolve around sexual advancements which are usually unwanted by the recipient, but that isn’t always the case. One time when I got blacked I texted my two brothers “I love you guys” in a group chat. That is by far the worst possible text you could send. Not only did neither of them say it back, one of them sent a pride flag emoji and the other just simply disliked it. We’ve never talked about that night since, but it’s definitely altered our relationship. So yeah, sending stuff to people you once lived with is way worse than telling a random Tinder girl you want to lick every inch of her body.
Making plans with someone you don’t want to hang out with
Everyone knows that when you get drunk enough you start to tell the people around you that you love them. Honestly, it’s become one of my favorite parts of going out. That said, loving everyone has some real consequences. At first you’re just hugging all of your boys, but eventually it comes to the point where you see the weird kid from your second grade class and feel the need to rekindle the friendship the two of you once shared. While that’s all nice to catch up and stuff, it really sucks when you wake up to a text from a random number that says “are we still going to the zoo today?” Like no Maximus, it’s NFL Sunday. That shit was pretend last night. Please lose this number.
Walking through the drive-thru
I’m convinced that this exact drunken escapade is a drinking right of passage. You’re blacked out, unaware of your surroundings, and severely incompetent. Yet, in the distance you see something. It’s bright and blurry, but you feel the need to go towards it. After what feels like hours of walking, you arrive to find yourself at a fast food establishment. While the front doors are locked, the lights are on and you hear a robot voice coming from around the corner. You peak your head around and find a line of cars in the drive-thru lane. Somehow you feel the need to yack and eat a cheeseburger at the same time, so without a vehicle of any sort you join the line.
Now, there can be a lot of different outcomes from this. Of course, when you get to the window the person behind the screen is going to tell you they can’t serve you. However, your persistence is key. Some of us will crumble under the pressure and go home as told by the minimum wage employee who failed her GED four times, and others will fight harder than Nelson Mandela to get a thing of fries and a burger that can’t legally be considered beef. Yet, whatever the outcome, this drunken antic is all about the journey not the destination. Although, a McDouble definitely makes the adventure a little tastier.
