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Four Guys in Every Group Chat

We all have that one group chat. I’m not talking about the one your parents use to ask when you are coming home, or the one you and your two friends use to talk about the days Westworld was a good show. This is the group chat that consists of six or more guys and has a name that half the group has since forgotten the meaning of. Seemingly all guys are in one of these. It doesn’t matter if your chat is talking about girls, sharing immaculate grid scores, or sending the dumbest memes ever (it is one of these three things though). Every group chat has a few people filling in the same roles. 

Side Texter

This is the worst person in each group chat. Since the creation of this chat, they haven’t had an individual text conversation with any of its members. Why would he? He can just as easily text the whole group to see if he left his wallet at Brian’s house. Doing this should lead to an extensive prison sentence. 

The News Anchor

I haven’t let ESPN send updates to my phone since I was fourteen. Since then, I have gotten all news updates from the world through one person in a group chat. When a Woj bomb is dropped, he drops one of his own. This may vary from sports news to less interesting news depending on the group, but there is one person in every group chat whose Twitter notifications keep everyone informed.

Do Not Disturb

This person doesn’t really need to be in the group. He’s as valued as every member of the group, but he doesn’t contribute to the chat ever. Someone reminds him to check the group chat every time the group makes plans. Even when he does, he’ll probably only emphasize a message anyway. He either really values his privacy, or just hates checking his phone. Either way, when he sends a meme, it will surely be the funniest thing you see all week.

Explosives Expert

This person is kind of like the last guy. Where “Do Not Disturb” is tuning out the group chat entirely, this guy uses it for a source of entertainment. This person essentially likes to throw a grenade into the conversation and watch the ensuing chaos. Whether it’s by bringing up the NBA GOAT debate, throwing out a hot movie take, or simply picking a fight with a member of the group, this person keeps the chat fun for selfish reasons. 

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Written by TFM

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