Four Things Every College Dude Has

All guys are the same. We hate to admit it, but it’s the truth. Men are simple creatures with simple pleasures and very few needs. We try to make ourselves seem and feel special, but deep down we are all exactly the same. Look, I can prove it to you right now. Here are four things I guarantee you every college dude has.

A Trophy Collection

Just like how all guys are the same with slight differentiating variables, every dude has his own interpretation of a trophy collection. For a lot of dudes, they like to keep a beer wall to show off all of the cases they have depleted over the semester. Other guys will hold onto liquor bottles or even empty vapes until the end of the year as a nice centerpiece display to tie their apartment together. Some trophy collections aren’t even tangible. For example, I’m sure we all know at least one guy whose notes app is completely filled with random initials of girls he’s hooked up with. That sure as hell counts as collection. We as men like to keep track of our hobbies, whether that hobby be drinking, picking up girls, or filling our heads with enormous amounts of nitrous oxide.

The Hat

Every guy has their own version of the hat. Imagine this. You wake up at 10:53am. You’ve already missed your 9am, which means you need to make it your 11am or else you aren’t allowed to smoke weed the rest of the day (you’ve been setting goals for yourself in this scenario). You pop out of bed, throw on any clothes you find on your bedroom floor, and look in the mirror. It’s time to go, but there is a beehive on top of your head. Luckily, you have the hat. This is the hat that you throw on whenever you need to look presentable. It may be from a liquor store, but that doesn’t mean you don’t look dashing in it. Who cares if it is stained and bent out of shape? It’s way better than going to class looking like Jimmy Neutron.

A Go-To Jersey

College males wear a jersey about 30% of the time. They are acceptable for all occasions from tailgates to bars to even formal (just wear a tie with it). Due to their versatility, every guy has their own go-to jersey for any time they don’t know what to wear. By the end of your four years, you will know what each of your friends’ go-to jersey is. I will say that the more obscure the jersey is, the cooler it is. My go-to jersey was a Beers jersey from the movie Basketball. Most people had no idea what it was, but that is what made it cool. I wore it everywhere and not a single time was I told I was dressed “inappropriately.” So yeah, go-to jerseys work and there is a reason we all have one.

An Addiction

If you are a male at an accredited college or university and don’t think you have an addiction — trust me — you are just lying to yourself. Addictions come in all shapes and sizes. Typically people think addictions revolve around drugs and alcohol, which they often do. However, in college, there are many other forms of addiction. A bunch of degenerates are gambling addicts nowadays. There are a hefty amount of sex addicts in college as well. Yet, some things may not seem harmful and are still the center of addiction. For instance, I’m sure we all have a buddy who is so addicted to the gym he refuses to blackout at bars anymore due to “health concerns.” Clearly, the gym has altered his brain for the worse. I’m just saying, be on the lookout for your own addiction. They sneak up on you out of nowhere, but it’s definitely better to catch it early.

Alex Becker

Written by Alex Becker

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