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Grab These Four Things From Your Frat House To Store Gas In

It’s the apocalypse out there; hackers are stealing shit, Chick Fil A is running out of sauce, and people are afraid that we will run out of gas. The same people who were hoarding toilet paper last year are now hoarding gas. Gas is a little harder to store than toilet paper; you can’t have a 10-foot pyramid of gas chilling in your garage. So people have resorted to storage bins and plastic bags—nothing like storing a highly flammable and toxic liquid in household items.

Now, if you’re living in a frat house, you probably have other things laying around to store gas in.

Empty Kegs

Sure, you could bring back those empty kegs and get half of your deposit back, but instead, you could store them with gas. I mean, kegs are through and hell back at every party, drunk idiots trying to do keg stands. They then realize that they are way too drunk and way too unathletic to actually do a keg stand, so they instead face plant. When the keg is empty, drunk idiots try to prove how strong they are, lift the keg over their heads, and try to throw it across the yard. What’s the worse thing that could happen, the metal-filled container exploding and turning into a rocket?

Red Solo Cups

Instead of filling these up with water to play beer pong, why can’t you fill them up with gas? Sure there is a risk of spilling gas all over yourself and your car, but you’ve turned into a pro while carrying multiple solo cups filled to the rim. You have the claw technique down, the stacked method, and the lean method down to an exact science. Then as the gas shortage passes in a couple of days when everybody forgets about it. You can throw a little Dawn in the cups, wash them out, and be good to go again.

Empty Wine And Liquor Bottles

Sure having old Jack Daniels bottles on top of your kitchen cabinet can look cool, but you can use them for more practical things. Instead of using these as decorations or if you’re artsy stuffing them with lights, you can store gas in them.

Old Plastic Bags That Used To Have Drugs In Them

You have trusted these little plastic bags to carry your most valuable items, so why not trust them to carry a little gasoline? You’ve believed that these thin plastic bags not to have your entire room smell like weed. Surely they can stop the toxic smell of gas. Between all of your friends, you have had hundreds of bags; think about how much gas you could store. Then you can zip lock the bag, and that won’t have any gas leak out.

P.S.A.

I don’t want to be blamed for dumbasses actually going through with this so here’s my little PSA. Obviously everything here is a joke, and don’t actually do this.

What do you think?

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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