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Manatee Dies After “High Intensity Sex” With His Brother

It’s a shame. Their mother clearly didn’t tell them not to play rough with each other. 

I truly cannot believe what I am typing right now. A manatee in a Florida aquarium died after having what was actually described as, “high intensity sex with his larger brother.” Typically, I feel like what happens in the animal kingdom is kind of fair play. It has its own set of rules, so who are we to judge their behavior. But with this, I feel well within my rights to call this equally disgusting, sad, and hilarious. 

The report was that the manatee had a 14.5-centimeter rip in his colon, which was his fatal flaw. Hugh and his brother Buffett were supposedly getting active all day. The trainers at the aquarium even said the encounter between the two animals was natural, and they were mutually seeking out interactions the day it happened. 

I don’t know who’s to blame here, but this definitely should not be happening. I feel like the trainers must’ve encouraged it a little biut if they say it went on all day. Was it for entertainment purposes? The trainers seemed to view this as any other day of work, so I feel that they definitely have some blood on their hands. Nothing else though, because they were too afraid to get their hand dirty when they were needed. In this case, that should’ve been after one round, tops.

This headline left me more conflicted than any romantic thought I’ve ever had about Bryce Harper. The initial thought was to dive into the many comedic angles that are too heinous to publish. But I also realized that this is either indicative of poor manatee treatment in aquariums, or a very unsettling fact about the sexual preferences in the animal kingdom. Either way, you still suck PETA.

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Written by TFM

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