Neymar Confesses to Cheating on Instagram

PSG futbol soccer star Neymar has made a public announcement on Instagram to apologize to his pregnant girlfriend for cheating on her. In a post of him and his wife, he had an extensive caption that was clearly about his infidelity, whether or not he wanted to say it those words. It’s a pretty unprecedented move for a professional athlete, which begs the question: is Neymar a good guy?

Before I hop into the hilarities of this novel that he put under his most recent Instagram picture, I must say it is a translation. I have no idea what language Neymar speaks. But I want to give him the benefit of the doubt in this regard before I attack the hilarious collection of words he used to apologize to his girlfriend.

The whole thing is addressed to his wife, yet it still has the tone of a post loss press conference. He says, “I made a mistake. I made a mistake with you. I dare say that I make mistakes every day, on and off the pitch.” That feels like, “We went into a plan with this marriage and we didn’t execute. Hats off to the other couples. They were more loyal than us today.” It seriously doesn’t feel like comparing a missed assignment in a soccer game is comparable to cheating on the mother of your child. Here are a few more quotes I’d like to highlight from Neymar’s literature:

“I solve my mistakes in personal life at home, in my intimacy with my family and friends.”

It sounds like your intimacy with friends causes mistakes in personal life, or did I get that wrong?

“I already apologized for my mistakes, for unnecessary exposure, but I feel obligated to come publicly reaffirm that. If a private matter has become public, the apology has to be public.”

Yeah, but did you need to make this apology. This does not make her look great, man.

“I don’t know if we’ll work it out, but TODAY you’re sure I want to try.”

Best line in the apology by a mile. I have to assume the translation did this no favors, but as it is read it so passive aggressive. I love it. “I’m sorry I cheated. You accept that today. Make up your mind, Neymar’s girlfriend. 

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Written by TFM

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