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At TFM, we love sharing the fucking ridiculousness and debauchery that our followers experience during their nights out. Unfortunately, not every crazy story can be communicated through a 20 second Instagram video. These are the stories that happen when you are too incapacitated, that is too crazy at the moment to whip your phone out, or legally require anonymity. We have been changing the format of these Craziest Stories blogs as more people are submitting them so thank you. Please enjoy…
Jack-
Freshman year it’s Halloween. Had some buddies from high school come to my university. We were pregaming for a frat party. Everyone was pretty trashed. We all were wearing ridiculous costumes. For example, I was dressed as a pint glass of beer. Anyways, I open my dorm door to go to the bathroom and empty my one-eyed snake. To my surprise, there were 3 police officers standing right outside my door. Instantly I slammed the door shut and asked what I could do for them. They said, “how much alcohol is in there?” Naturally, I said there was none. There may have also been some other things in there that we didn’t necessarily want them to find… After being questioned for what seems like decades my friend opens the door. I might add that the expression on his face was priceless. The cops definitely saw all the drinking and now they had probable cause. So now the best-case scenario was getting a minor in possession considering the other things in the room. As a result of this fiasco, we all received Minor in possession of alcohol (330$) in the state of Iowa. Later that night we finally got to the party and when I went outside to piss on the neighbor’s fence I stepped on a nail. The cherry to top off my fantastic night. I guess whenever I go to take a piss I find trouble.
This guy has the ole bad luck cock.
Blake-
So this was recent, as in, 3 days ago. I start out my morning at 10 am, Grubhub some tacos to the apartment, and set up cups for beer pong. My buddies all come over, and we start playing games. There’s tequila, vodka, and my favorite drink of all, fireball. We play for a little over an hour, sipping on the drinks, and suddenly, the only thing we have left is the half bottle of Fireball. By this time, there are 4 of us, and we are all pretty damn buzzed. We go up to the rooftop where the pool and the girls are, ready to play some beer dye. We start our tournament, and I’m getting to the point where moving around is making my stomach hurt. I go to sit down at the cabana and start finishing off the fireball with friends. We smoke out of the wax pen, and it all hits me like a truck. I remember meeting the Finance teacher for the business school on the rooftop right after and sharing some beers with him. Great guy, great vibes. At this point, my friends leave, and I realize I haven’t eaten anything all day. I order Papa Johns’s and get a side of the cheese sticks with it. Once it comes, I stumble down into the elevator, drunkenly say hello to the desk assistant, and grab the pizza. Come back to the room, and devour all of the cheese sticks. The whole box to be exact. My other friends start to arrive, and I tell them I need to take a shower. I never made it to the shower. I get to my room, fall face-first on the bed, and pass out for 4 hours. I wake up at 10:30 pm, see that my friends are still here in the living room, and start to socialize with them again. 20 minutes later, we all pop an ecstasy pill and roll balls until 4 am. Great day, great choices.
From Papa John’s to Ecstasy, this guy does everything.
Ryan-
It was my freshman year shortly before pledgeship started. I won’t incriminate myself by giving out details but I went to a big SEC school, likely the biggest. Anyways had some wings for dinner from a well-known place in town and knew there was an unsanctioned party at the fraternity houses basement that night. I started walking across campus towards the house when my stomach started rumbling. I was far away from the house and couldn’t get in any public building to take a shit. I began to panic. I could see the house when suddenly my butthole gave out to some disgusting shit. It ran down my legs and ruined my shorts. I ran from the fraternity row towards a dark field where I called my roommate to bring me a towel. He came through and we walked back to the dorms where I showered then immediately headed out to the house. I ended up meeting a girl at the party and went back to her place that night and laid the wood. Little did she know the position I was in 3 hours before. To this day I still eat at the restaurant and always take precautions before going out at night
The first man to shit where he eats.
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