Another week, another twenty hours of my life spent through sorting videos of you guys lighting your farts on fire and girls falling off tables. Here are some of this week’s highlights:
We Got Into Beef With Chet Hanks: Professional pussy and offspring of Forrest Gump, Chet Hanks, has become the White Boy Summer movement leader. It appears as if he just got canceled today, so he probably won’t be in the news anymore, but boy, oh boy was did he make waves this week. We posted his original video declaring White Boy Summer on our Instagram with the caption Tom Hanks’ son is the legacy bid nobody likes to which, he responded with this video coming after the culture of TFM from back in like 2013
I mean, he’s not wrong about a lot of his points, but there’s no fucking way the word “smokeshow” is going to leave my vocabulary. Complex also mentioned us in an article talking about black women thirsting over a failed SoundCloud rapper with a neck beard.
My Boss is a HUGE Fucking Simp: When Becca proposed in our workgroup chat that it would be a good idea for the TSM girls to film YouTube content in Fort Lauderdale, I didn’t think there was any shot in hell my boss would say yes. I’ve worked here for ten months now. We are talking about a company that flies me Spirit airlines… there was no fucking way they would pay for three recently hired employees to get drunk and film Tik Toks. I was wrong. It turns out if you’re passive-aggressive and have a large enough Tik Tok following; you can bully my boss into paying for a whole ass vacation.
TFM Girl Of The Week:
@ashlynnskyy . How on earth did Catch Me Outside girl make a mil. off of OnlyFans when we get this for free? Shit makes no sense.
Baseball is Back: Nothing like shitting your brains out from dipping for the first time in a couple of months and blasting Centerfield while the boys are hucking cube. I am attempting my first season of fully-invested baseball fandom since 2018. There’s a shit ton of exciting talent rolling through Baseball this year, barring a horrendous Rob Manfred fuck up, which is totally in the realm of possibility; this should be the best season we’ve seen in a while. PS: Pirate 59.5 O/U wins is a high-value pick. That offense is going to be able to carry a shitty rotation a little more than experts anticipated.
Submission of The Week: Africa Discovered the Juul
Thank You Guys: As we’ve begun to create merch more frequently, you guys have honestly been amazing. Whether it’s commenting that’s fucking trash this is why Barstool is better or take letters off and make the flag, we’re learning from the feedback you give us. We aren’t pussies over here, and if something is trash, it’s fucking trash. With all that being said, this was our best merch week in YEARS, and I can’t thank you guys enough for that. The more merch you guys buy, the less of those SHITTY FUCKING CBD ADS we have to post.