The Ideal Male Friend Group

I think that all male friend groups are pretty much the same thing. People are obviously very different, but the roles they serve amongst their friends are almost always universal. Untrustworthy groups deviate from the following pattern, but the ideal male friend group must consist of the following five people. 

The One Girl

Any girl who considers herself, “one of the guys,” is certainly not one of the guys. There seems to be one, maybe two, girls that are perfect additions to every male friend group, though. Maybe her friends and their drama annoys her. Maybe she smokes as much weed as the group’s biggest stoner. It doesn’t really matter. She fits in perfectly, and it’s known she has no romantic interest in any of you. 

Down for Anything

Everyone needs a down for anything friend. Does he want to get drunk on a Tuesday night? Of course. Does he want to eat the Aaron Rodgers type of mushrooms and go look at ducks in the park? Yeah, he does. Will he put on a suit and sunglasses and pretend to be the guys from Men in Black? Probably not, but he will. This guy’s daily routine makes no sense. But he says yes to everything. The group benefits greatly as a result. 

The Hot Head

This one keeps things interesting. I’m not talking about a hot head who is punching holes in walls, or picking fights at the bar. I’m talking about someone who is everyone else relentlessly annoys. This person is frequently annoyed with the words or actions of someone in the group. As a result, you can intentionally anger them for a laugh of your own at times. Maybe this person hates the rest of the group, but really has no other options for friends. Either way, he is the spice in the melting pot that is your group of idiot friends. 

The Punching Bag

This is an essential for every friend group. This is Dee on It’s Always Sunny, or Andre in The League. This person is a valued member of the group, secretly. As much as everyone would consider them a close friend behind their back, or one on one, the group abuses this person. The treatment of this person will range from hurtful remarks, to the treatment of a pledge in the SEC. Throw this guy a compliment every now and again. He needs it. 

Wanted Dead or Alive

This person doesn’t show up very much. It’s not really known how he became an essential member of the group. But he is one. You will worry if he’s alive from time to time, when he goes on a particularly long communication hiatus. Regardless, when he shows up to a pregame for the first time in three weeks, you are ecsatic. He comes in telling you about his busy work schedule and the entirety of the Red Dead Redemption campaign he just ripped through, and it changes the energy of the room somehow. Every other member of the group wishes they were him, despite his life being in shambles. 

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Written by TFM

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