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Why America is Better Than Your Country: France

America, frick yeah! Comin’ again to save the motherfrickin’ day, yeah

America, frick Yeah! Freedom is the only way, yeah

Terrorists, your game is through ‘Cause now you have to answer to

America, frick yeah!

I don’t have a publishable version for the rest of this song. Enjoy this blog. It won’t be as good as anything Trey Parker and Matt Stone have ever written. 

“Oui” is Spelled with a W

Hey France, you forgot a “w” every time you were trying to say yes, or as you guys call it, wee. The word is better used to describe a group you are a part of, an adjective for small, or as a euphemism for urine. For example: “We went to the bathroom and got a wee bit of wee wee on our shoes.” Good luck topping that, France.

French Fries Aren’t French

Did you guys know that Belgium invented french fries. Side note: they also invented the Belgian waffle, and hosted the movie In Bruges, and won’t be in this series as a result. That being said, the French shouldn’t be able to take credit for such a delicious treat they had nothing to do with.

French Toast Isn’t French Either

The first known French toast recipe in the history of humanity is from Ancient Rome. Not kidding. You know who wasn’t around back then? France. How did we let these guys get away with slapping their name on all of the best foods. That type of fraudulent energy knocks you down a few slots on the country power rankings in my opinion. 

The Statue of Liberty is a Terrible Gift

Did you know that the French gave the United States the Statue of Liberty after the Revolutionary War? Imagine the President receiving that and realizing he had to find somewhere to put it. The panic running through his mind while he opened 300-foot copper statue and had to pretend to be excited about it must’ve been unbearable. He could’ve put so many cooler things on that island too. 

The French Teacher at My Middle School Was a Jerk

I didn’t take French at any point in school. Why would I? Madame Carter was the worst. 

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Written by TFM

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