Let the intrusive thoughts win. Do things that are wrong. It’s soooo fun.
Pooping in Handicapped Stalls
Handicapped stalls are awesome. I don’t have as much room in my home bathroom as I do in most handicapped stalls. I wait to be in public to take a grumper sometimes because handicapped stalls are the best toilets. It’s not great when a man in a wheel chair is staring bullets at you during your post fecal walk of shame, though.
Saying What You’re Thinking to Children
This can take many forms: “God you’re annoying. Go somewhere else.” “Santa isn’t real.” “Yes, the carpets match the drapes. And shut up, you don’t even hair down there loser.” All of these are really fun to say. You should probably say them to an orphan though because parents get mad when you say things like this to their kids.
Fake Drowning in Bodies of Water
This is really fun at a public swimming pool or a crowded beach. When you do this, a hungover teen will likely have to leave the shade and save you. It’s also fun to do this at secluded lakes where a guy walking his kids will have to jump in and try to save you. Once they get you back to shore, laugh in their face for giving them a good scare.
Stealing Candy from Babies
Candy is delicious, and babies can’t defend it. This saying exists for a reason.
I saw a TikTok about how to do insurance fraud, and since then have stolen 300 grand out of a fictitious company called Beaver Business. I have a BMW. My rent is paid for the remainder of my lease. I have spent 7,200 dollars on drinks for girls who haven’t come back to my house. It’s really fun, but apparently it’s illegal. Also, I’m just kidding. Please don’t put me on any lists, FBI.
Convince Your Mom That Your Dad is Cheating
Make it a really elaborate scheme so she has proof. Don’t catfish your father though. He might send you a picture you really don’t want to see. Other than that, have fun with it. Watching your dad lose an argument he has the moral high ground in is great.
Secretly Give Your Friends Magic Mushrooms
Wait for them to start to trip, and then tell them what’s going on. He’ll laugh about it at some point. You’ll laugh about it immediately. Just hide all the knives in the house. If you haven’t seen Yellowjackets, psychedelics and weapons do not mix.
Convince Your Friends You Gave Them Magic Mushrooms
Classic placebo effect. Ideally, you do this to one friend while actually giving shrooms to another friend. This friend will freak out without any of the fun.
Stain a Celebrity’s Reputation on the Internet
Bobby once convinced the entire internet that Dixie D’Amelio routinely carried baked beans around in her pocket. While I think that was likely very fun, I don’t think it was wrong. I’m talking about altering the casting of the next Marvel superhero by making a fake account of an actor and saying slurs on the internet. Technically wrong. Definitely fun.